"Happy Birthday to you,
 Happy Birthday to you,
 Happy Birthday, Uncle Daveeeee,
 Happy Birthday to you!" The twins launch themselves at my giant birthday cake, spluttering all over it trying to blow out my candles.
 Gotta love friends who don’t know you anymore. I haven’t eaten sugar since 2010. When Lucy was born and my best friend stopped being a daddy and went full-on DAD.
He was 42 when he and that dickhead ex of his decided they wanted to be parents. Ew.
He's 62 now. A

Artwork by @davolicx Ryan Sniffies 3:20pm Hey bud. What's up Ryan Sniffies 3:51pm You free tonight? Ryan Sniffies 4:37pm Need that ass Ryan Sniffies 5:01pm You around? I don't think I should. Not again. But it's looking dire on the apps. Why the fuck did I ever move out to bum-fuck nowhere?! Moving from Shoreditch to the Home Counties made sense when all we talked about was settling down and having kids. It made sense. Three years later, divorced, single, and blue-ball

"Are you having another shower?” Paul yelled out over the sounds of crashing that were coming from the kitchen. “Yes!” I shouted back as my briefs dropped to the bathroom floor. I stood still for a second as my eyes flicked around my naked body, taking it all in. I’m about to hit 40, and it feels like the body I’m looking at doesn’t even belong to me anymore. I don’t recognise the person in the mirror; I still expect to see the 22-year-old. Young, fun, and full of cum. “W

I stood across the street, the black, nondescript gate in front of this nondescript building on the nondescript high street in East London staring back at me. I could feel my palms get clammy in my gloves. Nothing about this building would make you think something was going on in there. Maybe that’s the fun of it, that between the Tesco Express and the artisanal pudding café (whatever that is) was an experience waiting to happen. That is why I am here. Weeks into the New Year